Saturday, 5 December 2015

and the words keep flowing

I seem to have a new chanel for creativity these past few months. There have been some very difficult dark times and words keep flowing through me. Helping me to make sense of it. Helping to make it tangible. I am not a poet and I'm quite sure my grammar leaves a lot to be desired but I have had fun playing with the words. They bring me comfort.

What I find strange is that when the words com they are darker, more macarbe than any other my creative expressions. When I make things, I make nice things, pretty things..things to make me smile. Things to make you smile. But the words, they follow a different path. They want to unleash, to open up and start a dialogue. They are more daring, more risky.

It makes me feel vulnerable to share them but I quite like the feel of it. They are nothing but musings. Playful ramblings of a dotty bird. To tired to fly. Contemplating deeply the world around and building a safe nest for winter.

Here goes...

This morning..7am.. after a restless night (inspired by the howling wind)

She's angry, agitated
Short sharp breaths
No release
I cannot see her but I feel her all around
She's trying to speak
but gagged
or is it just that no one listened?
Her gentle whispers now a torrent of abuse
She's angry
She cracks her bones
Fidgets, restless
Sways and shakes
twists and spirals
Changing everything
Making room for something new
at first a groan then wailing, roaring
pleading, yearning
but then she ceases
or did she just move on
in her absence, a new silence
a deafening silence
and stillness

Thanks for reading :)

Thursday, 1 October 2015


I feel like I need to record this dream as it had quite a profound effect on me. It was on the night of the Supermoon, 27th September. It was really clear in my mind as I awoke and although it sounds rather mundane its meaning was quite powerful for me.

I dreamt that I was working in my parents shop, an off licence, and that a young man had come into the shop and was looking unkempt and rather shifty. He came to counter and asked for tobacco and I turned to get get this for him from the cabinet. I placed it on the counter and moved it towards himself. I had the feeling that he was going to run off with it so when he asked me for papers I was not surprised to see him grab the tobacco and run towards the door. I grabbed the papers and ran after hi to the door and reached my arm out saying here you go. He looked so shocked and completely thrown off balance. He have me a wide eyed glance and ran off into the night.

I told my friend about the dream and she said that this was the essence of Akido..going with the flow rather than against, to destabilise your opponent. In energy terms, its using their force against themselves, thus avoiding wasting precious time and energy blocking and exerting force.

It struck me as a wonderful way to think of energy exchanges. Whether it is in conversation or a brawl.

It suddenly allowed me to make sense of other energy related matters. it is supposed that matter cannot be created or destroyed, only transformed.  therefore within the context of the human body it is more helpful to think of how to get energy moving in the places you want it, rather than trying to 'add it' . The potential is within us, we just need to let it flow. obviously we need food (fuel) and water to work but the energy is limitless within us. If you feel pain or discomfort or negative thoughts and emotions the they are taking...demanding..more than their fair share of energy. leaving less for other functions and systems (like feeling creative and inspired, content and compassion).

Your body is an amazing machine. So complex and wonderful that is is almost beyond comprehension.

The things that sap our energy, or 're-route' it are habitual thoughts, feelings, behaviours, ways of being that are no longer useful or relevant to your situation. Our bodies and minds have a tendency to go 'it worked lets do it again' even if the results are far less than desirable the second..third...forth time! We are creatures of habit. Its a wildly chaotic universe and yet we strive for consistency. Ironically, stability can only be achieved through change. Within our bodies, to maintain safe blood sugar levels, blood pressure, balance etc our bodies are constantly changing and sending out signals to release or inhibit hormones and neurotransmitters. Ultimately stasis = death. Not something to strive towards..well not today anyway!

So...what to do about all this?? What does it mean in practice?

Thats what I'm trying to find out. We all have to find out for ourselves. My journey is very different to yours or anyone elses for that matter. We are all unique. Although, ultimately I do believe that we are all one and the same. We are learning lessons and reaching enlightenment when it has been done before..thousands of miles away and thousands of years ago.

I wonder if anyone read this far..well..even if it's just one pair of eyes that glance upon my ramblings..then thats good..tis all the same to me :)

Thank you!

Monday, 28 September 2015

The Bird Returns...

My my it's been a while since I've been here. I just feel that it's time to make a little appearance again. As much as I love facebook it's not really the right place for a story and a good ol' yarn.

Also, I'm sure that a lot of folk won't really be interested in what  have say. I do tend to ramble! So I though I'd give you the option to get to know me better rather than ramble on your timeline!.

A bit about a nutshell..I am just beginning my training in reflexology and I am very excited about this new direction in my life. I have always been interested in healing and different therapies and approaches to healing from nutrition to cognitive therapy. I studied Applied Pychology at University and worked for years in mental health and substance misuse services before I had children. I was fortunate enough to be able to take time off to raise a family but I didn't want to return to the care sector in the same way. I prefer a more holistic approach and I found the confines of the medical model and my job description too limiting. (I was also running too low on sleep, energy and patience to be of any real help :) !!)

In short...I am a big hippy who happens to love science, maths and psychology. I have been pondering on how to best help people heal (and myself) for as long as I can remember. I have a large appetite for self-help books and books on philosophy, religion, natural remedies, nutrition, movement therapy, art therapy, motivational techniques. etc etc .I am not terribly well read and my memory is not great but slowly things are coming together.

I have had a few moments lately when information gleaned from very different areas has cross fertilised and created something very new (to me) and interesting. Perhaps it has been said before..most likely it has..but it is my truth and I would very much like to share it with you.

So..on with the journey...

I'll be back soon! Thanks for reading!

Tuesday, 24 December 2013


Wishing you all a wonderful Christmas and a healthy and happy new year filled with love, light and laughter ♥♥♥
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